


Recommendation letter

by carrowmetohell



Series: Ride or Die [5]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: F/F, Other, Vomiting, emotional torture but that might be just my own, raw people and raw feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:04:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrowmetohell/pseuds/carrowmetohell
Summary: Annalise had a letter for Bonnie too.Set during season 4 in the restaurant.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bonnie receives her recommendation letter.
> 
> When Annalise handed Bonnie that letter my heart broke. I hope to write a couple more shorts in about the whole letter. Man it was so harsh.

Bonnie watched Connor leave quietly. The table for 6 looked remarkably empty with just herself and Annalise sitting at it.

“They’ll understand eventually,” she began, looking down at her plate, “that this is good for them.”

A tear rolled down Annalise’s cheek and Bonnie wished she could just wipe it away. She realised how hard this must be for her. The Keating 5 had been much more than a project for Annalise this time. 

They’d bonded through all the bullshit and strife and now to reach this point. It didn’t feel as conclusive as perhaps it should.

Bonnie sat still. The chair felt hard. She watched Annalise reach for her bag and figured it was the right time to leave. Maybe they could retire to her place and watch a film like the good old days. The times before so much death consumed their lives.

But Annalise didn’t rise back up with her bag. Instead she rose with a familiar looking letter. The same very letters that had been resting so clinically on the K4’s plates.

Something grasped Bonnie’s heart. She felt an electric chill descend her spine. This couldn’t be- No.

Annalise wouldn’t do this to her.

She couldn’t.

Bonnie wanted to run. To simply get up and run away, pretend this wasn’t happening but she was rooted to the spot, forced to watch the events unfold in slow motion.

Annalise placed the letter on Bonnie’s plate, the tear disappearing into her steely expression. Bonnie flinched away from the letter.

“Annalise?” She asked, disbelief and pain evident in her voice. She sounded like a small child that had realised their parents weren’t always right and fair. Bonnie dared to look at her, tears pricking her eyes.

“No.” She whispered, pulling back. She was drowning and she needed Annalise to take her hand back. This was fixable. This didn’t have to be it. She could convince Annalise somehow that this wasn’t the right decision. There had to be another way. She wouldn’t…

Annalise didn’t say a word as she stood, placing her napkin back on the plate.

“You don’t have to do this!” Bonnie blurted out desperate. Annalise picked up her bag and walked off silently.

“Annalise!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene rocked me more than the kiss in S3. 
> 
> I've been rewatching the show and everything Bonnie did for Annalise in S3 and I just can't justify the letter, it honestly kills me.
> 
> I'm going to add another scene with Frank and Bonnie post letter and of Bonnie at the DA's office.

Bonnie didn’t know whether to chase Annalise or to leave her. Her desperate brown eyes bored into the back of Annalise’s dark grey coat, searching for an answer. If a woman could get someone to turn around through sheer will alone then Annalise would have faced to turn her, to acknowledge that this was all just practical joke in poor taste.

They needed each other.

Bonnie watched Annalise leave the restaurants and felt ice clench her stomach. She leapt to her feet, lurching against the table and ran in the only direction she could.

It wasn’t after Annalise.

Bonnie hurtled through the ladies’ room door and careered into a stall. Bonnie dropped to her knees and hurled the contents of her stomachs into the cold porcelain bowl. She hadn’t eaten much that day, she’d been consumed by a sense of dread over something, but she couldn’t have guessed it would be this.

Michaela’s words rattled around her skull.

_“You pathetic little sycophant!”_

She knew that was what the K4 thought of her. What they all thought of her. Even Frank. Once upon a time people in that house had respect for her. After she’d earned it with hard work and dedication. Bonnie supposed that time with the current intake had been before Sam’s murder. The minute she had been out of the loop with their crime was the minute they started to disrespect her.

Those kids gunned for blood and Annalise never failed to draw Bonnie’s in front of them. Maybe Annalise had never really forgiven her for Frank, just like she hadn’t forgiven her for catching Sam’s wandering eye. The first time Annalise had fired her, she’d called Bonnie back to the office as thought nothing had happened to save her own arse. The second time, after she’d slept with Frank, Annalise had only kept her around because she needed a lawyer she could trust.

Bonnie was hit with a second wave of nausea the moment she remembered her stint as Annalise’s lawyer and vomited again. She’d invited Annalise into her home without question, welcomed her and the kids there like she wasn’t a solitary home body that despised people knowing where she lived.

The retching wracked her body and she begun to cry. Bonnie lay in front of the toilet, sweaty and pale. She’d seen herself in a lot of places but never here.  
Bonnie glanced down and swallowed hard. Her throat burned. She found herself wishing she’d never put on the pinstriped suit, it was the first time she’d worn it and it was going to be the last. It had been too expensive for one use. But she felt like Carrie at prom in a bloody dress, dirty and tainted forever. 

Of all the times she’d cried over Annalise, this was so much worse. 

Annalise had really ruined her now.

Bonnie’s own words mocked her as they rang through her head. “They’ll understand eventually. That this is good for them.” She would never forgive Annalise for this. She couldn’t.

How could everything they’d done together in that house have been for nothing? 

Nothing would ever feel as devastating as this. Perhaps that was the one fact she could take solace in.

Bonnie whimpered on the floor for a moment longer before picking herself up and grabbing a wad of toilet tissue to clean herself up with. She pulled the toilet chain and watched the water swirl violently before disappearing into nothing. The bowl refilled, and Bonnie laughed, the sound harsh and loud. 

They were all replaceable to Annalise in the end.

Annalise had to learn that Bonnie wasn’t.


End file.
